Doctors

I'm really not looking forward to the eleventh. I have to go in to the cardiologist and deal with all the stupid tests again. I hate doing that. It hurts. They shove my ribs out of the way to get a good read during the echocardiogram and I always pass out during the stress test. Seriously, I'm getting sick of the nurses that administer those tests not believing me when I tell them that I have to stop or I'm going to pass out.

I'm mostly scared about the fact that I may end up on medication again. Every time that happens, I end having to take another medication to counter the effect of the heart meds, then more to counter the side effects that crop up from the second meds and sometimes the side effects of the third. It makes me dopey and miserable. To deal with that, the doctors normally toss more meds my way. If that's not bad enough, I have to be monitored pretty often to make sure that I don't suffer from other health issues due to the sheer amount of medication in my system.

Sometimes I just wonder if it's worth it.

If I end up on the drugs again, I can pretty much kiss dart night goodbye. Driving too if I have the same problems as last time. The medication made me have seizures, something I was very careful to hide from friends and family. They don't let people who have seizures drive however, so it took a lot of begging and pleading to convince my doctor that they didn't need to notify the state.

At this point, it's all pointless to worry. I guess whatever is going to happen will happen and there isn't much I can do about it anyway.